The Complaints of The PENIS

** this is funny haha!

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

Sincerely,
The Management

Chocolate vs. Sex

(1) You can GET chocolate.
(2) “If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
(3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
(4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
(5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
(6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
(7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind.
(8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
(9) The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.
(10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
(11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
(12) You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
(13) With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.
(14) Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
(15) You can have chocolate at anytime of the month.
(16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
(17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
(18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
(19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
(20) With chocolate size doesn’t matter.

BEER vs. VAGINA

disclaimer: i neither support, vouch, agree with, disagree with, condone, criticize, appluad, nor belittle the contents of the following message. in the same manner, i neither support, vouch, agree with, disagree with, condone, criticize, appluad, nor belittle the author of the said message. the message contain views that may upset and offend. reader discretion is advised.

BEER vs. VAGINA

1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
    One point to BEER
2. Warm beer tastes awful.
   One point to VAGINA
3. A really cold beer is satisfying.
    One point to BEER
4. If after taking a swig of your favorite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit.
   One point to VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There’s definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances.
   Call it a DRAW for the time being.
6. Ten beers in one night and you can’t drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don’t want to drive anywhere.
   One point to VAGINA
7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any p***y in public, you become a legend.
   One pointto VAGINA
8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer.
   One point to VAGINA
9. You normally don’t find old beer.
  One point to BEER
10. Too much beer and you’ll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you’ll think you’ve seen God.
  One point to VAGINA
11. Ripping a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun!
  One point to VAGINA
12. In most countries there’s a tax on beer.
  One point to VAGINA
13. If you have another beer, the first one never gets pissed off.
  One point to BEER
14. You can always be sure if you’re the first one to open a bottle or a can.
  One point to BEER
15. If you shake beer it’ll get all agitated but it eventually it settles down.
  One point to BEER
16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, strong, light etc.
  One point to BEER
17. You always know how much beer is going to cost.
  One point to BEER
18. Beer doesn’t have a mother.
  One point to BEER
19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you’ve drunk it.
  One point to BEER

FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 8

That’s it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER

PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them. Therefore, an extra point for BEER!!!!!!!!!!! yeba!!!

fer mushy

E V E R Y T H I N G
by lifehouse

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won’t let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
’cause you’re all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything 

payong


*** this song was recorded in baguio.. originally sang and written by sum local   artist called ceres.. actually i dunno how to spell that.. ive been lookin fer this mp3 fer ages na… good thing i found the lyrics online.. nywayz… here it is… its super mushy and baduy i know.. but i like it…

ako ba ang nais mong sukuban?
ako ba ang nais mong hagkan?
pag-ibig ko ba ang nais makamtan?
ikaw ay aking papayungan
sa lahat ng bagyong darating sa iyong buhay,
nandito lang ako

susubukang mabihag ang puso mo
sa payong ng pagmamahal ko
hanggang sa mapagod ako
sa kakapayong sayo…

a delayed intro

i really dunno what to place in hea since am not so fond of writing stuff. i juz got this freakin blog fer the photo album. if there’s one thing that i really like, its taking pictures . ok. so whats next? i prefer talking actually other than writing my thoughts down. i can go on and on you when am on th phone…hihi.. some people have probly proven that already… but when it comes to these kinds of things, i dunno, am at a loss fer words.. unless.. ahm its a poem am writing.
ok so what dya wanna know bout meself that i havent included in me profile? basically everything’s there already. im into playing triv online, poetry, music and movies. i try to visit the cinema whenever i can, if not wiv me friends, or mushy, i go alone. so what rite? really dont care. i try ta read as much as i can. the last one i read was da vinci code by dan brown… right now ive started rule of four which ive started out with fer like 2 months already.. argh.. work work is really takin so much of me time.. or wont that be sleeping? hihihi.. actually its probly both… oh well.. thats all folks!

*smo0chies*

now and forever

The reason it hurts so much to separate
is because our souls are connected.

Maybe they always have been and will be.
Maybe we’ve lived a thousand lives before this and in each of them we’ve found each other. Maybe each time weve been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye from the past ten thousands years and a prelude to what will come.

When I look at you, I know you have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understand, we’ve been forced to say goodbye.

 I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us,but if we never meet again and this is truly goodbye, I know we find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for  all the times weve had before.

dumb and dumber

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

hhmmm…this was posted fom sum website i go to..
what do u think?

have you ever wondered which hurts the most?

Saying something and wishing you hadn’t?
or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. 

Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart…..
if you don’t, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn’t. You can’t tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own when you least suspect it, or even when you don’t want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much…for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?  We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done,or could have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?  (even if it is that you don’t care anymore)

What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn’t have them?

What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?*

People live, but people die. And I want to tell you that you are a friend. If you died tomorrow (God Forbid), you would be in my heart…Would I be  in yours? If you care about me as much as I care about you, you will send this back.

You might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year,
don’t talk that often the next,
and don’t want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say,
even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and
you have made a difference in my life.  
I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.