nagkabalikan na kami ng ex ko!

 ex-blog that is. i dunno when id be able to fix romantically delusional so im staying here for the meantime. i was upgrading my wordpress template but i uh, messed it up. so there. im left with no posts at all. oh well.

*sings i remember the boy..*

haha.

i created this blog years ago for my ex, who was of course my boyfriend at that time, hence the blogname "mushy", coz that was what we called each other. cheezy noh? 

thoughts

“Sometimes…when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.”

“You know what makes my problems bigger then everyone else's? They're mine.”

“If you think back and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears either joy or sadness, consider that you are wasted.”

“I'm not ashamed of wanting somebody to love — I never have been, because I had it once. But maybe I never really had it.”

“I don't need to pay a therapist to give me crap. I have a roommate that does it for free.”

"Men are like gum, after you chew them for awhile they lose their flavor”

"Never trust a second thought. Where there is two there is three. You will end up thinking forever."

in time..

She was looking for someone who can move her..

But he did more than that..

He has shaken her world upside down.

He makes every ordinary day unexpectedly complete.

She was the sweetest kind of chaos.

He lives with no excuses.

She loves with no regrets.

Everyday she makes the longest journey from her head to her heart.

The night was always too long without him and the day was too fast.

There is no moment she doesn’t ache for his scent

His presence gives her butterflies.

Just even thinking of his touch is like bliss en route to her spine.

Each moment is like a favorite song, everyday like a dance.

Somewhere there is a secret sky

Where they would actually touch.

One day out of darkness they shall meet

And read life’s meanings in their eyes

They would just be a pillow away..

Taking a step without feet…. in time..

the missing piece..

Being with someone doesnt guarantee happiness..

Finding your other half does.

It doesnt matter how long youve been alone, how long youve hoped, or how long youve waited.

There’s no such things as a perfect love story.

Hardships and heartaches will always be a part of loving.

But remember - though not perfect - if that love is meant for you, it will stick with you till the end.

No matter how tough it gets, no matter how long…

Far from perfect - but real.

*sigh*

There’s this place in me where your fingerprints still rest..

your kisses still linger..

and your whispers softly echo.

It’s the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.

that kiss

“I’ve kissed a guy… I’ve kissed guys. I just haven’t felt that thing…. That thing… that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry, ‘cause you feel so lucky that you’ve found it, and so scared that it’ll go away all at the same time.”

bullshit

Sometimes in the past, late at night, when it’s too quiet to pretend, I worry if I believe in anything at all or at least in anything beautiful. I believed in change because it is permanent. I believed in pain because it is sometimes physical. I believe in anger because it can consume you. But I was not sure I can believe in either love or trust. I could not then understand these two things most people build their dreams on.

    Love fails to be unconditional by that one condition itself. It ends when we fall out of it. Then, we claim it never was love because love shouldn’t die. It is forever. But when it becomes a routine (like saying “I love you” for instance), love does die. Lastly, when love turns selfish, confusing and burdensome, it isn’t beautiful anymore.

    As for trust, it was self-explanatory until I doubted it. When curiosity gives way to suspicion, betrayal isn’t far behind. For every failed judgment we ask ourselves: “Did I trust too little or too much?”. It is difficult to shut up every question in favor of complete trust, only to realize too late something you could have known had you only asked. Where does love and trust start and end?

    I have seen hundreds of people disappointed over unfulfilling relationships. I have seen passion turn into poison. I have grieved with them for the love they lost or never found. We seem to love so much, but now it’s gone. We ask ourselves: “Why do I feel so lonely even if he’s right beside me? Why can’t out relationship be more than this?”.

    I think all people have at one point in their life experienced the painful realization of a love unrequited. Even with all the discouragement, even with all the well-intentioned advice from friends, falling in love is a no-going-back event. Unfortunately, time can’t be reversed.

    Now, falling in love in itself is doubted by people around you. They cannot feel the warmth that consumes you. They cannot ache with the turbulent and confusing anxiety and joy that grips you. They do not know that mental stress you experience trying to rationalize your emotions. They cannot believe that you do not want to be in love with a person who doesn’t love you back. Oftentimes, people in love are painted as puppies following their loved ones at a distance and enjoying it. Oftentimes, people in love are misunderstood. (more…)

confession

thinking bout u as a summer romance once blown by the summer heat would be a kinda “light” approach to what’s been happening in our lives nowadays. least is the unexpected i would say. summer crash…summer crash. ive been selfish not thinking bout these risks of fallin too fast, no boundaries at all. i know.. im insane. im suicidal.. i dunno how its gonna end.. i just know that things as of now are out of my hands.. gone is the past that is cold as ice. im now out of my seashell… free from my self… im not scared to dare for life anymore. thanks to you.

Alipin

Shamrock

Di ko man maamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Di ko man maisip
Sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
Malabo man ang aking pag-iisip
Sana”y pakinggan mo ang sigaw nitong damdamin

[chorus:]
Ako”y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako”y manhid
Sana at iyong nariring
Sayong yakap ako”y nasasabik…

Ayoko sa iba
Sayoako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang iyong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang aso”t pusa
Giliw sa piling mo ako ay masaya

[chorus:]
Ako”y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako”y manhid
Sana at iyong nariring
Sayong yakap ako”y nasasabik…

[coda:]
Pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
Basta”t sa akin wag kang mawawala

Ako”y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako”y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sayong yakap ako”y nasasabik
Pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
Malamig man o mainit ang gabi
Nais ko sana iparating na ikaw lamang
Ang siyang aking iibigin

** nakakainlab talaga

unconditional love

there were 2 fishes in a bowl. they both enjoyed living together. they were contented with each others presence. they soon fell inlove. but as time went by, the other was not as inlove as before. she dint enjoy the things they used to do. coz of that, the other fish knew and felt the coldness of their relationship.  he was terribly hurt coz she was his only world.

one day, he was seen with his eyes closed, floating like a lifeless body. he was taken out of the bowl and was replaced by a new one. but before his body was  raised, he slowly opened his eyes and whispered..

“hope he makes you happy.”

ano ka ba?!

naiinis ako sayo!

lagi na lang kitang hinahanap!

wala ng laman ang utak ko kundi ikaw!

pag may nakita akong isang bagay..

ung sasabihin mo kagad ang pumapasok sa kokote ko!

ginayuma mo ako noh?!

walang hiya ka masasabunutan na kita eh!

iritang irita nako ha..

tang ina di naman ako dapat ganito..

pucha nagawa mo pang gawin na magselos ako!

ewan ko ba kung itoy dahil lang sa wala akong tulog..

pero sa totoo lang.. ayoko ng ganito!!

ayoko na ikaw ang nakikita ko sa pag gising!

ayoko na ikaw ang huling alaala ko sa pagtulog!

at higit sa lahat.. ayoko na hinehele ako ng boses mo!

tantanan mo na ko parang awa mo na!

tigil tigilan mo na yang lambing mo!

lubayan mo ang buhay ko!

joke lang… punta ka na dito bilis.

“Emptiness isn’t loneliness, it’s the missing of you.”

today

it feels good writing again.

cant remember feeling this good in months..

sigh.

i swear this time around..

no boyfriend can burn or delete my poems.

to hell with exes.

you.

pls do not look at me with those eyes
youre melting my soul with every sigh
forward-looking everyday
this heart on my sleeve
throbbing effortlessly.

i dare not retire these tired eyes
i try not see you and your smile
brushing off anything sugary sweet
i risk not take the leap.

how do u do it?
every freakin day
you dominate my mind
my thoughts and ways.

every spark in my soul
knows your very laugh
every skin in my body
knows your every touch.

i want to breathe your scent
and lock your hands with mine
i want to feel your warmth
and wake up by your side.

i bathe in hope every morn
praying that day comes
as of now,
im sitting quietly somewhere
thinking about things we shared..
mind.. body.. soul..
and your touch..
that ive never felt.

..the one..

in a world where almost everyone you meet is a jerk,

you know you dont need to be serious.

hang out, pretend, play with them.

have fun and stop anytime.

no attachments, no pain.

convenient isnt it?

but at the end of the show..

you know you’re still yearning for something genuine.

you realize that what you’re really lookin forward to is someone who can look at you straight in the eye and tell you he loves you.

someone worth every risk of pain.

someone who will stay.

someone who will simply make a difference.

fib

the best apology for our past mistake is to avoid it in the future.

the love ill never have

its been 2 years since i last heard your voice.
twas your birthday 2 weeks ago.
sent you a card 2 days your side.

i remember those 2 months with you
2:00pm is our rendezvous
cherishing every moment, counting every second,
this online tryst, with only just us 2.

why do i long for you this much?
why do i even care?
we agreed that we only have
just 2 months to spare.

you have your life, and i have mine.
we were committed to unwanted lives.
you have to stay with her, and i was with him
but when i was with you, everything felt so right.

i still have with me, preserved in my drive
that song you recorded, my birthday surprise
2 hrs you said, where you mixed and matched
babe you found the perfect song i kept in my heart.

what is there to do for a number 2?
when everything is bound to be doomed from hitherto,
i know my mistake, i dont have regrets
2 tabs for this headache will never suffice.

does love ever go wrong for 2 hearts in love?
dont get me wrong i know this aint just lust
is it right to forsake space and time?
or will you forever be the love ill never have?

he’s an adidas fan

yeah yeah i know it mustve been photoshopped.. 
i just cant resist not posting it ..
 got this where else? here :D

casualty of love

everything you do

by christian bautista 

I love the way you smile when i look in your eyes
I love the way you laugh when i try to be funny
and now the tears roll down your face
when I say no one could ever take your place

[chorus]
Cause baby when you sleep, I watch you breathing
and baby when you dream, i dream with you
cause everywhere you are is where i wanna be, it’s true
everything you do makes me know how much i love you

The way you touch my lips right after we kiss
and softly whisper that i’m your everything
the way you pray our love won’t die
every night just before you close your eyes

[chorus]
Cause baby when you sleep, I watch you breathing
and baby when you dream, i dream with you
cause everywhere you are is where i wanna be, it’s true
everything you do makes me know how much i love you

[bridge]
I believe that some things were meant to be
as sure as there is love yours is meant for me

[chorus]
Cause baby when you sleep, I watch you breathing
and baby when you dream, i dream with you
cause everywhere you are is where i wanna be, it’s true
everything you do makes me know how much i love you

Cause baby when you sleep, (I believe) i watch you breathing
when i see you in my dreams, it’s in everything
and baby when you dream (I believe)i dream with you
(when i see you in my dreams, it’s in everything)
cause everywhere you are is where i wanna be (Oh, it’s true)
everything you do makes me know how much i love you

*** my current favorite. my friend was asking me if i was inlove again since i was listening to love songs again. argh! i answered a big no! do i have to be inlove to listen to mushy songs? i just like it. i guess its my way of saying that im over him, i dunno. nah. i still hate men.